he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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