I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
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