k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
