she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
