90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
