if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
