We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
