yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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