party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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