Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
