i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
