things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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