she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
