he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
