shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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