She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
