On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
