My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
