Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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