Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
