I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
