I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
