I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
