i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
