I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
