She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
