Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
