No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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