Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
