I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
