if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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