Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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