left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
