I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
