It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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