I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My penis needs a shock collar
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
