Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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