There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
