i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
