so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
