Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My bed smells like the plague
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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