some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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