also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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