Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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