Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think i got beer on your cat.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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