Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
