I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
