My underwear smells like fireworks.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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