i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
