saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dear god my vagina.
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