Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
