The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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