i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
