I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize