we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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